Why I make the informed choice to live in the US?
Given the events of last night and following the election of D. Trump to the presidency of the United States, I would like to add the following update:
The American people freely chose their new president and as outsiders feeling close to Americans we can only acknowledge it. I wrote my article on Tuesday, November 8th and I still mean every word of it. There are many things I love in the USA and I admire about Americans. But it is clear that following this unexpected election, like many I feel confused and a priori pessimistic.
On this US Election Day I remember a question somebody asked me not so long ago. The question was “what are your motivations to settle back in the US?” Indeed, after having lived and grown up in France, lived for one year in the US, and then come back to France for 2 years, why are we about to go back to the US (this time permanently)?
I had already written an article on this issue in 2014, “in the heat of the moment.” But more than two years later we haven’t changed our mind.
There is of course a subjective part in the answer to this question. I will give my vision, knowing that others might feel things differently.
For those who don’t know us yet, we are a family of 6 (me and my husband and 4 kids currently aged 3 to 11 years). We lived in 2014 in Baltimore, Md. Like any expatriate we had to struggle to overcome various issues and restore new routines. Our children (then aged from 4 months to 8 years) didn’t speak English (except a few words learned at school for our elder child).
I remember having been through a phase of discouragement at first, as our expatriation wasn’t supported by a company’s facilities and we had to figure out everything by ourselves. And even if you know a country pretty well as a visitor (and it was our case), you know so little about daily life in this country. Adaptation was uneven for our children: one of them was first in trouble adapting and got strongly homesick. It lasted a few weeks and the severity and lack of understanding of his teacher at school contributed a lot to it, and his difficulties overwhelmed me during a few weeks.
This detailed story about our beginning should convince the reader that our interest for the United States is not due to the lack of issues on our way.
What I particularly appreciated in the US, is primarily the lack of judgment and lower social pressure: you have the freedom to have the look you want, do pretty much what you want, when you want and basically no one cares! This is somewhat unsettling before you get used to it! You feel less hold by the social norms. It is also quite easy to join one or more “communities” (or circles of people with common interests). In France we often make a mistake by qualifying Americans as individualist. The system (employment, health, etc.) certainly is, not the people.
I also enjoyed the sense of fun and celebrations in the USA. Each day or so a new celebration follows the last one! It goes fast and it’s sometimes baffling. I remember for example that the radios broadcast Christmas songs the day after Thanksgiving (and there is an impressive amount of Christmas songs) but on December 25th, nothing! It was over, en route for a new celebration.
The cost of living in the United States is a vast topic, and comparisons with France aren’t as easy and trivial as some may say. But I remember we were able to find many free or almost fun activities for kids (especially during celebrations) when I had a hard time finding some free Easter events in my town in France!
I particularly appreciate to have a choice in the US. I feel that in the American way of life, the greater the choice, the better. A consequence of this is surely the consumerist mind (much choice leads to zap and accumulate a lot of material goods) but it can also be interesting to pick and choose the good or service (paid or partially free) that fit you.
Good mood and friendliness of Americans are also contagious. Of course they also have ups and downs, but they have as saying “fake it until you make it!” For sure it has its limits, but at least people show less their grumpiness than in France.
Finally I particularly appreciate two cultural behaviors of Americans: first they have a sense of gratitude. In France the term has something religious but not there (or at least it is more cultural than religious). I believe this contributes to their welfare because remembering positive aspects of one’s life puts for sure in a good mood! And then giving and generosity are part of Americans everyday life. You are often asked to donate and most people participate. Therefore the society is less hard than French people imagine, because precisely the shortcomings of the State (as expected in France) are partly filled by the support and generosity of everyone.
What I liked less in the US, was the cost of some expenditure, such as health budget, summer camps or child care and after school activities. But I think this impression comes partly when much of your resources in the United States comes from France, as for us in 2014. The health budget for example is often taken in charge partly by the American employer. Of course for the unemployed individuals this is a real issue.
There is yet another issue I strongly dislike and am scared of in the United States: firearms. I think that for Americans the risk is about the same as being hitten by a car for example. But as far as I’m concerned I try not to think about it!
One last thing: I consider that the US is a pleasant country to emigrate with children, because Americans like so much kids (especially younger ones) and they express it! They are very (sometimes too much) permissive with kids and I happened to ask myself if I was too severe with my children when we lived in the US whereas it never happens when we’re in France!
Obviously for a successful expatriation to the United States as elsewhere the first key factor is to give yourself enough time once you are in that new country. Although expatriation is desired, there is necessarily a time of adaptation and destabilization for the whole family. Be patient with yourself (which is not necessarily the easiest!) And be present for children in particular. It’s also necessary to speak the language! This may seem obvious but even if you are “fluent” you may need a bit more to survive subtleties of some conversations. I think it’s too bad not to try to learn or deepen the language of the country of expatriation, unless you’re there only for a short time. Finally, if you are there, you surely master the openness that overcomes the first clashes and cultural shocks.
In our case, we prepare our new expatriation in the United States with great enthusiasm and even if no country is perfect, it seems that the US is a pleasant country to settle down for several years or more 🙂
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